Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize