Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
