Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
