I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
