i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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