Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
