dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think i got beer on your cat.
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