I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
