I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
