Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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