your parents love me but you hate me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
