I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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