belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm so fucking centered right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
