he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
