The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
