dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
As shirtless as possible
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
