yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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