You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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