he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
