Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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