She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
