I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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