if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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