the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
