Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
