just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
