JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I currently don't understand fingers.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
