I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
