Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
