Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize