I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
