I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
