You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
