He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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