Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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