I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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