Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
