I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
