I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
