Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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