if you like me you must not know who I am
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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