I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
