I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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