i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
