I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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