just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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