Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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