I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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