When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
