I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
