dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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