guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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