Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sarcasm needs its own font
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
