did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
