You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
