The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
