That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
