the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You took a bar mat shot.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
