Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize