also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
