Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
