I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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