i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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