My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
