Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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