O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
