Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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