I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
