And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
