my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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