If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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