I need to stop coming to work sober
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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