Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
