Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
