Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
