Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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