Why does Corona taste like a burp?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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