he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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