I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
