hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
